High on boredom and ruffles chips I created a profile.
It was your classic combination of fun loving girl meets nerd meets the eternal optimist. Sure to attract only the best bachelors in this town.
After the always present creepy messages, including :
"let's meet up.. in my bed"
and my second favourite:
" Two options. 1. Dirty pics 2. Potential one night stand. Ladies choice"
I finally got a message from a seemingly great guy. We exchanged numbers and texted throughout the week while he was traveling for business and I was slaving away in a smelly audit room. I just HAD to meet him and so one Saturday night when he suggested meeting up I went for it.
Buzzing with excitement I put on clean jeans, washed my hair and pulled out the dusty hair straightener. It was although this Moncton girl got her groove back.
Off to a local coffee shop I went to await my soul mates arrival... and oh boy did he arrive.
After waiting a bit I was startled by the highest pitch voice I have EVER heard on man say my name. I looked up to see the saddest dressed, 28 y/o, balding man with braces standing in front of me.
What the fuck was I going to do?
After ordering our drinks we sat down and the "mad chats" began. I have developed the following code interpretations to help other's in the battlefield of online dating:
- Job in e-commerce = assembles debit machines
- Quiet = Boring to talk to
- Some college = GED
- Close with family = Mama's boy
- Profile pictures= At least 5 years outdated. Will be taken in the best light, when you've never looked better.
I felt duped, but managed to put in 1.5hours of charming conversation. Apparently this Moncton Girl was full of charm. After making a lame excuse and leaving I arrived home to find a Facebook friend request and 2 text messages.
I decided to be a bit of a mean girl and ignore the texts in hopes that he would get the hint and move on.
If only I was more lucky in life. I woke up the next morning to 4 new text messages.
I had to think all day of what to say to let him down easy... not going to lie, this Moncton Girl has NEVER had to let someone down. .. maybe I should whip out that hair straightener more often..
I managed to send off a firm, but kind email and vowed to stay in my house for the rest of the weekend for fear I would run into.
That was a week ago. I'm still afraid.
Did I mention his drink order was a
Grande, no whip, soy, white hot chocolate with two shots of raspberry
No further explanation necessary.
It's going to take a lot for me to do another PoF date! - I may stick with an old fashioned friend of a friend arrangement!
* Moncton Girl
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