Crap Post

Wednesday Night, Feeling Alright!

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* Moncton Girl

Sunday Thoughts

I Don't Miss You So So Bad.

This is my first "vlog" Please excuse the unflattering angle and lighting.. I'll work on that... maybe.. likely not. 


I also love that I said "Thanks for tuning in"


I'm going to say that every time


 Enjoy!


*Moncton Girl

Pizza Pizza!

Hey Y'all

This girl was doing some exotic traveling to North Bay, Ontario- which is why the disappearing act to this blog.

North Bay was oddly similar to New Brunswick--- I felt so at home.

I was traveling solo so I got used to eating by myself- or so I thought. It was late on Sunday when I arrived so I made the rational choice to go to the pub/resto beside the luxurious Airport Express Travelodge.  Greeted by a friendly waitress and craving pizza I ordered the "Classic Canadian"

A quick 12 minutes later and the waitress brought out a royal looking pedestal with a huge 8 slice pizza resting there- just daring me to eat it.

I was mortified! It was huge! Im my defence there were no size options and the price was $15.

I ate one slice and got the rest packed up. To be later eaten in my dark hotel room.



Update** I went back to the same place a week later and had the same waitress. She asked if I was going to get the pizza again.

No.

Bucket List

As a person Moncton Girl wants for very little..

- For Katniss to fall in love with Gale
- To be able to eat pizza everyday
- To buy new clothes and never do laundry

MG however gets nothing from the list of wants, and instead gets a big heaping of inconvenient and gets stuck in an elevator at a client site.

That's right. Every girl's dream. To be stuck in an old elevator with two co-workers and a stranger.

Here is how it went down:

The 4 of us hop in elevator after random lunch and head back to the office we are working out of on the 4th floor. Around the 3 1/2 floor we hear a big, scary noise and the elevator stops moving.

After randomly looking at each other and the stranger putting on a sassy attitude proclaiming "Ugh, THIS is the LAST thing I need today" - (because clearly, it's exactly what we need) we decide to open up the weird phone hutch and call maintenance.

No answer.

Stranger comes in handy and calls reception on her phone who tracks down maintenance. They poke around and then yell down to us that they have to call in the elevator company to fix the problem.

10 minutes of silence go by.

Coworker #1 exclaims: Soooo has anyone ever seen the movie "Devil"? It takes place in an elevator .. not sure how it ended.

Awkward Silence Continues.

Coworker #1 then decides to try and see if he can force the doors open... with a plastic spoon.

Stranger: oh, thank goodness now we can dig ourselves out of here.

Awkward Silence.

Continued Silence.

Still Silent

Finally the doors open - we all walk out and say nothing.

It was THE most un-climatic elevator rescue EVER.

Moncton Girl will still be crossing it off her bucket list. If anyone asks let's pretend a very attractive fire fighter rescued her and after a series of unconventional yet cutesy dates will propose.


MG is just relieved she got out before she had to turn Hunger Games on anyones ass.

*Moncton Girl

That Time I Stole a Big Mac…

Well, I’ve had prouder moments in my life.. a few at least..

Let me set the scene..

Moncton girl was completely pooped after a long, hard day of accounting. A countin’ this and A countin’ that.. So she thought, what the heck! Throw caution to wind! Get McDonalds!

Does that make it sound like I never get McDonalds?.. because I get it a lot…

I settled into the drive thru line.. it was only about 3 cars long.. not too shabby she thought as CBC Radio 2 soundwaves engulfed her car as she waited to place her order. .. and she waited

… and waited…

… and waited…

…and waited….

FINALLY it was her turn. She  stuck her head slightly out the window to ensure they can hear the order about to come out of her mouth- obviously  technology isn’t as advanced at a drive thru as the rest of the world, so she probably needs to yell.

Moncton Girl orders a  $1.39 cheeseburger.

Girls gotta stick to a budget.

Then she begins to wait again…

… and wait…

…and wait…

…..and wait………

FINALLY she is able to pay the $1.39+tax. and as she continues waiting for the small bag.. they hand her a pop..

Moncton Girl says nothing.

They stick out a large, heavy bag and as she is grabbing the bag she thinks about her odds. Is there even a remote possibility that what’s in the bag will be less satisfying then a cheeseburger? Not likely.

Moncton Girls says nothing.

She waits until she is  a solid 3km from the restaurant. Apparently MG believe that Grimace only has a 3km range from which to attack.

Moncton Girl looks in the bag to find a delicious Big Mac.

With upsize fries.

Moncton Girl is now a  Big Mac Thief.. and breaking the law has never tasted so good.

*Moncton Girl

There Had to Be One..

When I'm not preoccupied stealing fast food I like to treat myself with a coffee. 


This Moncton Girl had worked up quite the thirst for a delicious caffeinated beverage and off to her own personal mecca (Tim's) she went. 


At the lovely drive thru window I ordered a 

Large Iced Coffee

and feeling sassy added a Apple Fritter to the order. Throwing down the loonies like it ain't no thang. 


The lovely preteen at the window informed me:

We are all out of Apple Fritters

No problem! It just so happens Moncton Girl also enjoys a Blueberry Fritter on occasion. It would've been great except the speaker then told me:

We ain't got no Fritters left tonight

Thinking on my feet I recovered and asked for the standard Double Chocolate Donut. 

Yep, we got that. Pull up

Thank the lord. This is just turning into an awkward situation. How many actual donut names can the ordinary person pull out their hat? (My limit is 3)


When I arrive at the window I'm met with my Iced Coffee and a sad message:

Sorry, we actually don't have any Double Chocolate

My smooth, calm and collected response was:

JUST GIVE ME ANY DONUT. I DON'T CARE. ANY DONUT WILL DO!

I was fairly confident with this choice as Moncton Girl has never met a donut Moncton Girl didn't like. 


Until that night. 


I opened up the small brown bag of wonder to a heart-shaped, strawberry substance filled piece of shit donut.  


I guess there had to be one. 

* Moncton Girl 

 

 

I'll take an IV of Swiss Chalet Sauce Please...

Mocton Girl was sitting with a group of lovely people at the amazing Swiss Chalet, scarfing down some chicken and ribs when the topic of ordering an embarrassing amount of food came up.. more specifically, how to make it seem like you are NOT ordering a ton of food for yourself.. 


Top 10 Ways to Avoid Looking like a Glutton: 

1. When getting delivery pizza open the door and yell to your empty apartment: "PIZZA'S HERE" to your crowd of imaginary friends.. 
2. Go through drive through and make two separate orders
3. Pretend to not know what name/number takeout order was placed under
4. Ask bakery for candles for you cake/cupcakes
5. Call fake friend/spouse to let them know you got all the supplies for the orphan sleepover while in the grocery store line. 
6. Make a big deal about getting an itemized receipt .. as though your going to reimburse yourself.. 

Ok.. well I only have 6 ways to avoid looking like a glutton.. 
Leave some idea's in the comments and we can fill this list out!


* Moncton Girl

Back by Popular Demand

Moncton Girl is back in the house!

Believe it or not, I sometimes get lapses in judgement..  Most recently it involved an embarrassing moment and a subway sandwich.. 

I had a sudden spurt of willpower and gave up eating gluten for 30 days not too long ago. It was magical. I was eating what felt like unicorns and magic powder to my sensitive digestive system. Girl was loving life.

Cut to a particularly stressful day... gluten was already back in my system and that unicorn magic feeling quickly transformed to flames, acid and an evil devil cyclopse. Needless to say, I was not feeling my best. 

What does a person do when they already feel like shit? Eat more shit. 

Specifically some gluten goodness in the form of a giant subway sandwich on sweet, sweet, italian herb and cheese bread. 

The amount of havoc those 6 inches caused was not to be ignored... especially not when you are working.. offsite.. at a small company... with one washroom. 

First Lesson of 2012: If the toilet in the only washroom of a small company clogs it will be a big deal to the workers.. who will discuss and speculate at length who caused it.. while you are sitting with co-workers in the next room... dying for everyone to shut up because you might need to pay another visit....

Until next time.. 

*Moncton Girl